| Most parents want their young children to | | | | |
| have a healthy sense of self-esteem. That | | | | One point to make is that young children are |
| desire can also be seen in education--schools | | | | unlikely to have their self-esteem |
| around the country include self-esteem among | | | | strengthened from excessive praise or |
| their goals. Many observers believe that low | | | | flattery. On the contrary, it may raise some |
| self-esteem lies at the bottom of many of | | | | doubts in children; many children can see |
| society's problems. | | | | through flattery and may even dismiss an |
| | | | adult who heaps on praise as a poor source of |
| Even though self-esteem has been studied for | | | | support--one who is not very believable. |
| more than 100 years, specialists and | | | | |
| educators continue to debate its precise | | | | The following points may be helpful in |
| nature and development. Nevertheless, they | | | | strengthening and supporting a healthy sense |
| generally agree that parents and other adults | | | | of self-esteem in your child: |
| who are important to children play a major | | | | |
| role in laying a solid foundation for a | | | | As they grow, children become increasingly |
| child's development. | | | | sensitive to the evaluations of their peers. |
| | | | You and your child's teachers can help your |
| What Is Self-Esteem? | | | | child learn to build healthy relationships |
| | | | with his or her peers. |
| When parents and teachers of young children | | | | |
| talk about the need for good self-esteem, | | | | When children develop stronger ties with |
| they usually mean that children should have | | | | their peers in school or around the |
| "good feelings" about themselves. With young | | | | neighborhood, they may begin to evaluate |
| children, self-esteem refers to the extent to | | | | themselves differently from the way they were |
| which they expect to be accepted and valued | | | | taught at home. You can help your child by |
| by the adults and peers who are important to | | | | being clear about your own values and keeping |
| them. | | | | the lines of communication open about |
| | | | experiences outside the home. |
| Children with a healthy sense of self-esteem | | | | |
| feel that the important adults in their lives | | | | Children do not acquire self-esteem at once |
| accept them, care about them, and would go | | | | nor do they always feel good about themselves |
| out of their way to ensure that they are safe | | | | in every situation. A child may feel |
| and well. They feel that those adults would | | | | self-confident and accepted at home but not |
| be upset if anything happened to them and | | | | around the neighborhood or in a preschool |
| would miss them if they were separated. | | | | class. Furthermore, as children interact with |
| Children with low self-esteem, on the other | | | | their peers or learn to function in school or |
| hand, feel that the important adults and | | | | some other place, they may feel accepted and |
| peers in their lives do not accept them, do | | | | liked one moment and feel different the next. |
| not care about them very much, and would not | | | | You can help in these instances by reassuring |
| go out of their way to ensure their safety | | | | your child that you support and accept him or |
| and well-being. | | | | her even while others do not. |
| | | | |
| During their early years, young children's | | | | A child's sense of self-worth is more likely |
| self-esteem is based largely on their | | | | to deepen when adults respond to the child's |
| perceptions of how the important adults in | | | | interests and efforts with appreciation |
| their lives judge them. The extent to which | | | | rather than just praise. For example, if your |
| children believe they have the | | | | child shows interest in something you are |
| characteristics valued by the important | | | | doing, you might include the child in the |
| adults and peers in their lives figures | | | | activity. Or if the child shows interest in |
| greatly in the development of self-esteem. | | | | an animal in the garden, you might help the |
| For example, in families and communities that | | | | child find more information about it. In this |
| value athletic ability highly, children who | | | | way, you respond positively to your child's |
| excel in athletics are likely to have a high | | | | interest by treating it seriously. Flattery |
| level of self-esteem, whereas children who | | | | and praise, on the contrary, distract |
| are less athletic or who are criticized as | | | | children from the topics they are interested |
| being physically inept or clumsy are likely | | | | in. Children may develop a habit of showing |
| to suffer from low self-esteem. | | | | interest in a topic just to receive flattery. |
| | | | |
| Families, communities, and ethnic and | | | | |
| cultural groups vary in the criteria on which | | | | Young children are more likely to benefit |
| self-esteem is based. For example, some | | | | from tasks and activities that offer a real |
| groups may emphasize physical appearance, and | | | | challenge than from those that are merely |
| some may evaluate boys and girls differently. | | | | frivolous or fun. For example, you can |
| Stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination | | | | involve your child in chores around the |
| are also factors that may contribute to low | | | | house, such as preparing meals or caring for |
| self-esteem among children. | | | | pets, that stretch his or her abilities and |
| | | | give your child a sense of accomplishment. |
| How Can We Help Children Develop a Healthy | | | | |
| Sense of Self-Esteem? | | | | Self-esteem is most likely to be fostered |
| | | | when children are esteemed by the adults who |
| The foundations of self-esteem are laid early | | | | are important to them. To esteem children |
| in life when infants develop attachments with | | | | means to treat them respectfully, ask their |
| the adults who are responsible for them. When | | | | views and opinions, take their views and |
| adults readily respond to their cries and | | | | opinions seriously, and give them meaningful |
| smiles, babies learn to feel loved and | | | | and realistic feedback. |
| valued. Children come to feel loved and | | | | |
| accepted by being loved and accepted by | | | | You can help your child develop and maintain |
| people they look up to. As young children | | | | healthy self-esteem by helping him or her |
| learn to trust their parents and others who | | | | cope with defeats, rather than emphasizing |
| care for them to satisfy their basic needs, | | | | constant successes and triumphs. During times |
| they gradually feel wanted, valued, and | | | | of disappointment or crisis, your child's |
| loved. | | | | weakened self-esteem can be strengthened when |
| | | | you let the child know that your love and |
| Self-esteem is also related to children's | | | | support remain unchanged. When the crisis has |
| feelings of belonging to a group and being | | | | passed, you can help your child reflect on |
| able to adequately function in their group. | | | | what went wrong. The next time a crisis |
| When toddlers become preschoolers, for | | | | occurs, your child can use the knowledge |
| example, they are expected to control their | | | | gained from overcoming past difficulties to |
| impulses and adopt the rules of the family | | | | help cope with a new crisis. A child's sense |
| and community in which they are growing. | | | | of self-worth and self-confidence is not |
| Successfully adjusting to these groups helps | | | | likely to deepen when adults deny that life |
| to strengthen feelings of belonging to them. | | | | has its ups and downs. |