| I love slow living. It's peaceful, meaningful | | | | (ages 13, 14, 16 and 17), they look at me |
| and downright radical in a go-go | | | | with a mixture of horror and pity. Life must |
| world.According to a recent article in | | | | be tough at your house, they say. You must |
| (appropriately enough)Time magazine, groups | | | | live in your car, they tell me.Um--no.My idea |
| of harried parents across the USA are joining | | | | of multi-tasking is breathing, talking, and |
| a wave of slow living advocates by doing | | | | hiking in the woods--all at the same time. My |
| something really revolutionary--having one | | | | family eats a relaxing dinner together at |
| sit-down dinner at home with their kids each | | | | home--by candlelight!--at least five nights a |
| week.I don't know whether to applaud or | | | | week. It's the best part of the day.Don't get |
| cry.The idea that parents are willing to | | | | me wrong. Sports are great for kids. So is |
| undertake the Herculean task of rearranging | | | | drama. And music. And debate.But dinner |
| their schedules to fit in a single dinner at | | | | matters, too. I figure that my kids aren't |
| home is laudable. The fact that it requires | | | | going to be living with us forever, and while |
| superhuman effort is terribly sad.How did we | | | | they're here, it's a lot more important to |
| get here?The article states that back in the | | | | have dinner together than it is to have the |
| 1980s, sociologists decided that providing | | | | girls sign up for every sport and activity on |
| structured activities for kids would prevent | | | | earth.What they lack in basket-shooting |
| juvenile delinquency. In addition, education | | | | ability, they've gained in conversation |
| experts suggested that American children | | | | skills, thoughtfulness, and an appreciation |
| needed to study harder to compete | | | | for family and shared meals.They don't eat |
| academically in the global market.At the same | | | | yogurt from a tube while riding in a van, |
| time, American business leaders looked around | | | | then race home to study. Here's a typical |
| and discovered they were losing their edge. | | | | scene at our house: four girls sprawled on |
| They bumped up hours and production rates in | | | | the floor in front of the fireplace, doing |
| an effort to keep ahead of burgeoning Asian | | | | homework or reading. This is after we've had |
| countries. This new competitiveness spilled | | | | an enjoyable dinner and they've cleaned up |
| over into the home, where mothers fresh from | | | | the kitchen.It makes me feel terribly guilty. |
| the work force took the corporate ideal of | | | | Shouldn't I be exhausted and irritable, |
| high productivity to the playgrounds.Yikes.I | | | | battered by constant demands for rides and |
| spent most of the eighties living and working | | | | juice packs?It's not that my kids don't do |
| in Asia. I taught English in Japan for five | | | | anything. They're into all kinds of |
| years, so I'm all too familiar with the | | | | activities--drama, music, dance, volunteer |
| "education mama" syndrome. What's interesting | | | | work, and even jobs. Two are gearing up for |
| is that the American mamas have taken that | | | | lacrosse, one is in the midst of interviews |
| same emphasis on competition and achievement | | | | for a year-long exchange program, while the |
| and focused on sports or other activities. | | | | oldest is in her senior year and doing the |
| Although we don't have to suffer the | | | | college application dance. It's a busy |
| unfortunate consequences of despondent | | | | time.And yet, they still eat a real dinner at |
| students going through the examination hell | | | | home most nights.All of us--singles, married |
| of the Japanese system, we have burned out | | | | couples, young families and empty |
| 15-year-olds having knee surgery for ten | | | | nesters--can benefit from the dinner ritual. |
| years' worth of soccer injuries, and families | | | | By adopting and continuing the tradition of |
| who can't remember their last no-TV, | | | | shared meals and conversation, we are |
| no-phone, real food meal at home.I think that | | | | emphasizing the importance of thinking and |
| somewhere between a manic preoccupation with | | | | sharing ideas. If we want our culture to |
| education and a rabid adherence to frenzied | | | | value thinking, we've got to start by |
| activity schedules is a happy medium.It's | | | | offering a tribute to it on a daily |
| called dinner.People in Europe or Latin | | | | basis.Okay, so my kids may never get athletic |
| America are horrified to hear of families in | | | | scholarships. They may never meet a single |
| the U.S. gulping dinner in their cars on a | | | | university athletic director before choosing |
| daily basis. It's appalling that there are | | | | which college to attend. They won't be the |
| actually campaigns to re-introduce the | | | | next Olympic gymnast or ice skater, and |
| concept of sitting down to eat. In cultures | | | | they're not likely to be conducting |
| where families gather for meals every | | | | symphonies by the time they're 25.They'll |
| afternoon and again late in the evening, they | | | | have to settle for being happy, smart, kind, |
| view this obsession with achievement as | | | | aware, motivated, and full of enthusiasm for |
| baffling, alarming and pitiful.And they're | | | | the world and their place in it. Their father |
| right.The truth is that it's pretty hard to | | | | and I will just have to be satisfied with |
| lose control of your family's activities if | | | | lasting memories of slow life with our |
| you make dinner a priority most nights. It's | | | | cherished children, and our daughters will |
| simply not possible to attend multiple | | | | strive only to duplicate this same lifestyle |
| practices each night if you're expected at | | | | for their own families someday.Radical, isn't |
| the dinner table from 6:30-7:30.When I tell | | | | it? |
| people that I have four teenage daughters | | | | |