| To feel loved, safe, and secure is | | | | opportunities to interact in such a way that |
| fundamental to everyone, regardless of age. | | | | honest communication can occur. |
| That is why we must ensure that we make time | | | | |
| in our busy days to provide a special moment | | | | These should be the times when children feel |
| for each of our children and for ourselves. | | | | relaxed and free to express themselves |
| | | | without interruption and be listened to. Time |
| "You don't know how I feel and you don't | | | | in front of the TV or going to a movie does |
| care", "Leave me alone", "Get out of my | | | | not provide these opportunities. |
| space", "I don't need you". | | | | |
| | | | When children feel that they have to vie for |
| If you have ever heard these kinds of | | | | their parents' attention, the results are |
| comments from your children then perhaps it's | | | | often disastrous. The undivided attention of |
| time to stand back and look at what is | | | | a parent is important to a child but not |
| happening between you and your family. | | | | always a top priority for a busy parent. |
| | | | |
| How do we address everyone's needs, including | | | | The intention of the schedules and reminder |
| our own? How do we deal with the specific | | | | notes is not to 'force' the family into |
| needs of our children without sacrificing our | | | | routine that suits you. It is, rather, an |
| own sanity? | | | | attempt to establish patterns of behaviour |
| | | | (yours and your children's) that benefit the |
| Who or what comes first? Your career? Your | | | | whole family and to create a peaceful |
| family? Your partner? Your health? | | | | atmosphere where everyone feels loved and |
| | | | valued. |
| Step one is to admit that we are not guilty | | | | |
| of a crime by acknowledging that we are not | | | | Here are some tips that may help to show your |
| perfect. | | | | children that you really do care about them: |
| | | | |
| So the house is not picture perfect. All the | | | | Take time to listen to your children without |
| washing and ironing isn't done! Does that | | | | interruption. For little ones, get down to |
| matter more than whether you have spent time | | | | their level, perhaps kneel or sit with them. |
| to have a hug? Spent time to check homework | | | | They will appreciate your undivided |
| is being done? Spent time to find out if | | | | attention. |
| there is a special event coming up one you | | | | |
| should attend? It's all about priorities. | | | | Ask your children how they would like to |
| | | | spend time with you. Be prepared to |
| You don't necessarily have to put them in a | | | | participate in what is important to them even |
| definitive order. All can be balanced if you | | | | if it is an activity that you would not |
| have the right attitude and perhaps a little | | | | choose yourself. |
| professional help. | | | | |
| | | | Observe your children do they respond to a |
| Have you ever asked your children what they | | | | hug; a quick back rub; cooking in the kitchen |
| expect of you? Ever told them what you expect | | | | with you; a small, thoughtful, inexpensive |
| of them? Do you even know what your | | | | gift; or genuine encouragement and praise? |
| expectations are? An assessment of the way | | | | What do they enjoy and respond to most? |
| each family member treats the others might | | | | |
| create a more harmonious household. | | | | Take the time to read to your children |
| | | | |
| Be honest with yourself, your partner and | | | | Care enough to say 'no'- unreasonable |
| your children. Admit your own shortcomings | | | | requests and behaviour are not acceptable. |
| without denigrating yourself. | | | | Children and teenagers should be aware of |
| | | | consequences for unacceptable behaviour. |
| The need to know what is expected of them is | | | | |
| important for all children. Depending on the | | | | Take every opportunity to do things with your |
| age of the child, expectations should be | | | | children rather than being an observer from |
| clearly outlined in language that is | | | | the side lines |
| positive. Give them the kinds of parameters | | | | |
| that say, "you can do 'this' but 'that' is | | | | Plan special occasions. When planning a |
| not acceptable." | | | | family event ask your children for their |
| | | | input. Give them plenty of choice and notice. |
| Many times teenagers have told me, "My | | | | Forcing them to attend a family event or an |
| parents let me do what I want. They don't | | | | event they are not interested in is not a |
| care." The child interprets this permissive | | | | good start. |
| attitude as, "If they don't care, they don't | | | | |
| love me enough." | | | | Children and teenagers should be part of |
| | | | family gatherings. These gatherings help |
| Most parents do love their children but may | | | | provide them a sense of belonging, |
| not know how to show it in a way that the | | | | responsibility and acceptance, and tolerance |
| child understands. | | | | for others. |
| | | | |
| Children of all ages need some time when they | | | | Be consistent and fair - try to cater for |
| can have their parents' undivided attention. | | | | everyone's needs, including your own. What |
| For busy people it could mean scheduling | | | | does not happen for one child this week may |
| family time into your diary. It also means | | | | be planned for the following week. |
| scheduling time for each child individually | | | | |
| and sticking to it. Quite simply, you must | | | | Put aside time plan it and make it a regular |
| make time for your family they need you now. | | | | part of your family routine |
| | | | |
| Families need to spend meaningful time | | | | Consider regular family meetings. These are a |
| together. This does not mean just being in | | | | good time to discover what is, and what is |
| the same vicinity, but it does mean doing | | | | not, working in your family. Prepare |
| simple things like cooking the family meal | | | | guidelines for these meetings in advance. |
| together, or going to places that create | | | | |