| What concerns me, as a high school governor, | | | | |
| is that many parents see their role as parent | | | | A child, teenager, young adult who views |
| change completely when their child leaves | | | | themselves as worthwhile will be less |
| primary school and moves to the high school. | | | | inclined to fall foul of bad influences and |
| Yes it is true that most children do not want | | | | break the rules of society. Before you start |
| Mum or Dad to escort them to the school gates | | | | stoning me as heretic and quoting individual |
| as they did when at primary school, they lose | | | | cases where a well-adjusted child fell foul |
| their street ‘cred’ if it | | | | of the rules of society, hear me out. |
| happens, but it would also appear that many | | | | |
| parents appear to leave the development of | | | | Do you like to be congratulated for doing a |
| the child through those difficult teenage | | | | good job? Whether that job is in your work |
| years to the teachers of the school. | | | | place or baking an apple pie the family |
| | | | devour with relish? We all appreciate being |
| In a recent survey of children conducted by | | | | told we have done well. |
| the DfES, it was amazing to see that 37% | | | | |
| admitted to being disobedient at home | | | | Children are no different, the only |
| compared to school. This does need further | | | | difference is that when you tell a child they |
| examination. | | | | have done well, as long as it is sincere and |
| | | | not ‘luvvy duvvy!’ you are |
| Your teenage child comes home from school | | | | building their confidence and self- esteem. |
| dumps them selves on the sofa and declares, | | | | You must play that major role as a parent of |
| ‘Nobody likes me’. What do you | | | | pre-teenage and teenage children. |
| do? | | | | |
| | | | Building your child’s confidence grows |
| Now the fact that most teenagers are subject | | | | out of a healthy, interactive, and mutually |
| to mood swings there could well be a deeper | | | | respectful relationship. Although they are |
| reason behind the words. Before verbally | | | | loosening the apron strings and appear to be |
| attacking the school, can I suggest that you | | | | flying the coop, they still need that vital |
| look at what you may have done in the past to | | | | contact and strong relationship where they |
| bring this about? Most teenagers want to feel | | | | can return to, to rebuild their self-esteem |
| accepted and need to establish a personal | | | | when the hard world knocks them back. |
| identity. | | | | |
| | | | It is possible to be a pal to your sibling |
| It is your responsibility as a parent to help | | | | while still maintaining the role of parent. |
| develop your child’s self-confidence | | | | Have fun, laugh at your own inability to |
| and self esteem. It is fortunately not too | | | | understand the latest fashion or music. Make |
| late to re-define your role. It is vitally | | | | sure that you have quality family time, go |
| important to balance sincere praise with | | | | out for lunch or dinner as a family and most |
| sensitive criticism. | | | | important use the time to let them talk |
| | | | instead of being lectured to. Ask for their |
| No one will pretend that it is easy to | | | | views on the world, news items even teenage |
| criticise a teenager even using the most | | | | behaviour you will be surprised how over a |
| sensitive of phrases, but it all depends on | | | | little time they will open up and talk, yes |
| the role you have played as a parent during | | | | teenagers can talk. They need to appreciate |
| the formative years of your child. Again, it | | | | that you hold their opinions dear; they need |
| is no reason to opt out of responsibility | | | | to know that they can please you. If they |
| blaming school staff and youth leaders for | | | | feel, their opinions count for nothing and |
| the misdemeanours of youth. | | | | they cannot please you they will stop trying |
| | | | and the fabric of the family breaks down. |
| A very successful technique is called | | | | |
| ‘catch them doing something right | | | | So sorry, but if you have unruly teenagers |
| | | | don’t look at the school, their peer |
| It is so easy to spot when things are going | | | | group, the social environment, look inwards |
| wrong, but for every negative response you | | | | on yourself, have you caused it and what can |
| give, try giving three positive responses. | | | | you do to remedy the situation. |